February 2012
9 posts
Everynone →
Many thanks to Greg T. Gordon, who showed me this gem. Go ahead, click it.
Thoughts on Trees
Has anyone compared the amount of paper we used 15 years ago to the amount we use now, considering the fact that so many things are now online? I’m interested in those numbers.
Lost Love Letters #2
8/25/09
Dear Peter,
I apologize for my delayed response. The strike lasted longer than I would have liked, and I’ve spent most of the days mobilizing a larger response effort in the community. In the back of my mind, I thought this time off would be spent on myself…on you, on missing you. I’m sure you thought this as well.
Please don’t think I haven’t been...
Thoughts on Death 2
Are animals aware of their imminent death?
A - Can I take your picture?
Z - Please don’t.
A - How else will I remember you?
The CollegeHumor/Jest Fight List
bhbanks:
Last night a council of staff and freelancers created a fight list (inspired by Eva Wong). Click “Read More” to see the complete list.
Read More
January 2012
2 posts
I Talk To Myself When You're Not Here
I talk to myself when you’re not here. I say things I would tell you. Sometimes I tell you secrets I don’t want you to know.
I imagine what you’d say if you were here. But you are not, and I don’t really want you to hear.
So I tell myself.
And then all of a sudden, I’m in a room with a hundred myselfs, and we are having a wonderful conversation. We laugh and...
December 2011
8 posts
“For Christ’s sake, put on your seat belts!!”
– Our pilot, during a moment of midair turbulence
A Place to Sit and Think
Why don’t airplane bathrooms have windows? This would improve my inflight experience by 100%.
Get a look at that duck.
Raisin-faced, Butter-soled
From the waist up, he guessed she was 50, maybe 55, but that was pushing it. Her tanned skin made her look perpetually roasted, which most likely contributed to the premature wrinkling which he based this estimate on. But then again, what did he know. He was young. His face went back to zero after he smiled, the worry lines on his forehead were as fleeting as the troubles in his life. Age was...
Z, Age 9
He lives his life as if on the brink of madness—speaks too fast, eats too furiously.
He grows nightly, a body that will soon refuse to contain the chaos spreading inside. At night I imagine he dreams of swiftness—he curses, spits, sweats like a drug addict rummaging through his last bag (he would not understand this comparison, for the worst the world has yet to offer him has come in...
Lost Love Letters
[Date illegible]
Dear Jeffrey,
I wish your name was something else, my handwriting better, etc etc. But you don’t exist, and neither do I, and so, there ends our short-lived, but no less life-changing love affair.
With Mad Affection,
Eve
Who Me?
Life’s Small Pleasures #1:
Farting loudly and in rapid succession while walking down a quiet street.
Life’s Small Failures #1:
Turning the corner and running into someone you know. Let’s keep this between us.
FANCY!
Someone please explain this to me.
What up, shorty
A bus is not the place to choose your ringtone.
May 2011
1 post
Writer's Block
What happened to all the great things I was going to say?
March 2011
1 post
What Recession?
Gas may be $4 a gallon, but these puppies will always cost you 25 cents.
February 2011
4 posts
Another Joke
Q: What do you call a fish with no gills?
A: Dead.
A Joke
Q: What do you call a fish named Steve?
A: Steve.
(Joke courtesy of Sam Thonis)
This guy walks into a bar...
When you’re ordering a drink and a guy starts talking to you, is he hitting on you? What if he is just making polite conversation? But it’s a bar/restaurant/grill and there’s no dire need to make polite conversation. Can you safely assume that he’s hitting on you? Or does that make you a self-centered douche?
I have low enough self-esteem to want to impress my unwanted,...
Film Critics aren't Biutiful (or Why I Hate...
I am in absolute awe that Alejandro Gonzalez Inarittu’s masterpiece (yes, masterpiece) Biutiful, isn’t getting the praise it deserves by American movie critics. I’m not talking about the general public, I’m talking about the people that snub their noses at The Expendables and crap themselves over Winter’s Bone.
Winter’s...
January 2011
4 posts
Thoughts on Death
The life of a snowflake is very much like ours: it leaves the dark womb of a cloud for a life full of promises followed by a downward spiral and then, eventually, death by snowplow. Or melting.
You will meet a tall, dark stranger...
I finally ended my 22 year boycott on clairvoyants and psychics.
I’m not much into the idea of shelling up half a day’s pay to grab a glimpse of the mysterious innards of my future. But I didn’t feel like taking a shower, and there’s not much else a girl can do at 1pm on a Sunday.
After much coercing from my roommates, I decided to go first. According to Ms. X in...
HOOP DREAMS
I can’t get this movie out of my head. It is one of the most touching, heartbreaking, inspiring films I have ever seen. Like a picture of the Grand Canyon, I can’t do this movie much justice by writing about it. Please see it.
De-classified Information
In light of recent newsworthy events, I’ve decided to pull a little Julian Assange of my own.
My good friend, Sam Sparks, and I have been developing a podcast for years now. Unfortunately, he’s we’re not that funny, and he’s we’re kind of lazy, so it’s never going to happen. So, I hacked my account, and leaked all of our creative correspondence that was never...
December 2010
1 post
Bad service
You will never go to a restaurant that serves you enough scallops.
Does this look filling to you?
September 2010
3 posts
Sparrow Songs →
He’s got the right idea
Twister (tm)
The problem with sudden tornadoes is for a second everything is calm, and all the dogs outside are fine, but then it gets wet and so do the dogs. In a flash, your neutral-smelling dog now smells like wet dog.
April 2010
2 posts
Where Lamar at?!
When: Monday, April 12, 2010 - 6:14 PM
Where: 721 Broadway, 1st Floor, North Elevator
SPOTTED: One Lamar Sanders looking impeccably fresh and well-rested. General demeanor—calm and contemplative
“that’s your problem. you don’t have good hygiene. i’m so...”
– my mama
March 2010
1 post
Hello, again. Again!
I know I said I’d start blogging again. And then I didn’t. Well this time is going to be different.
While searching the internet for some inspiration, I found Gloson’s Blog- a blog run by a 12-year-old Malaysian wunderkind. It really got my wheels turning. If this kid can find interesting things to say, why can’t I?
Well it’s harder than you’d think, and...
February 2010
1 post
Hello, again.
In honor of my only fan, Sarah Ashley Yuro’s 22nd birthday, I’ve decided to start blogging again.
To be honest…I just remembered I had a blog.
Well, now I’m pooped. That’s enough for today.
October 2009
1 post
Abrogate- (v.) to abolish, repeal
Close your eyes. Imagine you’re still a junior in high school and you have no idea where the hellcrap your life’s going.
It’s mid-November.
You’ve never worked harder in your life.
You’re exhausted, and the guy at the post office knows your name.
You’re about to punch that kid wearing that stupid Yale sweatshirt. Fuck Yale.
All you want is a big envelope.
...
September 2009
2 posts
My Tumblarity is 0
Today, when I was walking down the street, I saw a stranger. Thinking I was going to pass him, I naturally sped up. But then he sped up. For 10 seconds we were walking at the same speed. Like friends.
F.U. Michigan
So I just saw Brokeback Mountain for the first time this weekend (save your jokes, hombres) and i loved it. It was heart-wrenching and beautiful, and I’m so mad it took me this long to finally see it.
I also realized, the college essay I wrote on Brokeback Mountain four years ago wasn’t really that accurate. Now I know why I didn’t get into University of Michigan.
August 2009
3 posts
Non-rhetorical Questions
I’m thinking of starting a segment. Here we go!
A lot of things boggle me. One day, I hope to have all the answers. Please help!
Question #1: Why do some people put straws in their hot coffee? Do they really drink it like that?
Question #2: What’s the deal with those brass pineapple lamps? Is that an old-time design? It’s ugly. Do people like it?
Question #3: What are you...
A Conversation About Bruno (with my mom)
Me: I want to see Bruno
Mom: Oh no you don’t. One woman took her grandchildren to see it and now she’s in the psych ward.
Me: What?!
Mom: 14-day outpatient. Put that in your blog.
Want something?
To get something, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:
SendMeSomething
458 Lincoln Place #4A
Brooklyn, NY 11238
July 2009
17 posts
THIS.IS.AWESOME.
“I’m gonna take a vacation. Sit in the sun, get my ass waxed”
– A construction worker on 13th & A
